News & Updates

Visiting Orphanages in Vietnam 

By Joyce Yiu & Iris Culp, Lotus Travel

Conducting a return visit to an adoptee’s homeland is often a powerful experience. Positive cultural heritage reinforcements provide a healthy context for adopted children.   According to clinical child psychologist Dr. Rebecca Nelson, birth country visits are essential as they are considered to be "prime opportunities for adoptees to learn about themselves and further a positive adoptive identity within a guided and emotionally supportive context."  Learning and exploring their ethnic backgrounds under parental guidance and unconditional love supports a child as they mature.  Such an experience enhances self-confidence and is a key to develop a positive personal identity.

How does it work?

The orphanage visitation approval process in Vietnam is relatively simple.  However, permission to visit does require prior notification and request, typically several months in advance. The local orphanage director grants visitation access. The meeting with the orphanage/birth family is usually set up through a local representative or agency such as Lotus Travel. An orphanage visit will usually include a trip on-site and a chance to meet with the orphanage director and staff members. Returning adoptive children are often warmly welcomed upon returning to the orphanage.

Appropriate Gifts for Orphanages in Vietnam

Orphanages often lack the supply of children’s clothing, toys, crayons, basic stationeries and storybooks. These types of gifts are typically appreciated as nice gifts for the youngsters. On some occasions, orphanages located in larger cities are visited by foreigners; therefore, children there may receive candy and other non-essentials. On the other hand staff members would prefer to have gifts of fresh fruits.  Families can also request Lotus Travel to check with your specific orphanage regarding its needs and “wish list” before deciding what to donate.

It is customary to give a small token of appreciation to officials when returning for a visit.  Perfume and cosmetics are good selections for female orphanage directors and caregivers. If you are uncertain about the gender of the directors, an appropriate welcome gift can be a box of chocolates.

Observing Vietnamese Customs When You Travel to Orphanages in Vietnam

As parents, it is important to prepare your children for cultural differences between America and Vietnam prior to your trip.

Dining with orphanage directors and staff

• Dress code: business casual is recommended. Whereas t-shirts and jeans are not appropriate attire for the occasion and the staff.  
• It is respectful to wait to be seated.
• When dining, it is a polite gesture to pass all dishes using both hands.
• Place your chopsticks on the designated chopsticks holder when taking a break to drink or to speak. It is a sign of disrespect to stick your chopsticks vertically in the middle of your rice bowl.
• It is customary for Vietnamese to hold rice bowls close to their faces while dinning.
• Never eat directly from the serving dish.
• Hold the spoon in your left hand while consuming soup.
• It is acceptable to ask for forks to avoid embarrassment. However, make sure to confess about your inadequacy before doing so.
• Try every dish that is served before obtaining more of your favorite ones.
• Try not to consume only meat, as it is the most expensive ingredient of the meal. Be courteous to leave some for others.
• Meals are usually served family-style
• Remember to finish the food on your plate to show respect to the cook and to not be wasteful. 
• It is considered rude to turn down any food offerings despite being full; to be polite, inform the host earlier that you are full.
• When you are done eating, place your chopsticks on top of your rice bowl.

Background & Preparation for the Visit

It is not unusual for birth parents to relinquish a child directly to an orphanage, so there are often records identifying birth parent(s).  Some adoptive families choose to request records and attempt contact with the birth family. There are cases in which birth and adoptive families meet and maintain connections.  However, in some instances, the birth mom/family may be located, but they do not wish to meet with the child or adoptive family. The reasons may vary throughout each situation, but it may be because their current family (which may include a new husband/new children) takes precedence and they do not know about the existence of the adoptive child. It is with careful consideration that an adoptive family should think through attempting to make connections with birth family members remaining in Vietnam. Some families who want to make connections with a child’s birth family do not discuss this aspect of the planned trip until they know that the birth parent will be interested in meeting with them.

Within the adoptive community there are different and conflicting viewpoints in regards to adoptive parents who would like to make the connection with their child’s birth family. While some families encourage this line of connection, there are also many others who oppose this value. Others feel that the information should be left alone, and whatever information gathering or searching that is done, should be undertaken at the initiative of the adoptee once grown into an adult.  This group says that to make any contact or search, steals valuable parts of the identity searching that is essential to the adoptee coming to grips with the loss inherent in the adoption process. Still others take a “middle of the road” approach and advocate collecting relevant information that is available while the child is young. Then let the adoptee decide once they are of an adult age, whether or not to pursue the information any further. The primary point everyone agrees on is that this decision is a very personal one with lifelong implications.

 

 

.